Eating Disorders In Isolation
If you are someone who happens to be battling an eating disorder (or are working on recovering from one) during isolation, I truly feel for you. And that’s why I felt compelled to write this blog post. If you haven’t yet, it’s time to acknowledge and confront your emotions surrounding this right now. You’re struggling, and that’s okay. You might feel like this giant road block has put your progress on pause. Maybe you feel that you’re not allowed to feel anxious because of everything else going on right now. You might even feel that people don’t want to hear about your struggles and worries because they have enough on their plates. I’m here to tell you that your fears, anxieties, worries, and distress are legitimate.
A global pandemic does not diminish your mental disorder or negate your struggles. So go ahead and feel those feelings. Express them to yourself and others. Say them out loud, write them down, complain about them to a friend. You’re allowed.
There are quite a few ways in which your eating disorder may be trying to take control right now. Whether you’re in the thick of the battle or nearing recovery, consider if any of the following relate to you. If so, I want to encourage you to think differently. Here’s why:
“I’m not moving as much, so I don’t deserve to eat”.
Totally not true. Even at rest our bodies require a pretty decent amount of calories. This is called your RMR (resting metabolic rate), and it refers to the amount of energy needed to perform basic bodily functions, such as breathing, circulating blood, organ functions, and general neurological functions. While exercise and movement can be really healthy, it’s not the only reason our bodies need fuel.
“I keep hearing everyone talk about the ‘COVID-15 pounds’, and it scares me”.
You’re not the only one getting sick of the memes stemming from toxic diet culture. Will some people gain a little weight while in lockdown? Probably. Is it a problem? Nope. It’s normal for our bodies to fluctuate throughout different periods of our lives. Different seasons of life bring about changing bodies. They’re not meant to stay the same forever. They’re smart, and if you’re showing it love and balance, it’s going to love you back and do exactly what you need it to. I said need, not want. The best way to combat triggering content about weight gain and binge eating is to limit your screen time. Unfollow triggering accounts, steer clear of weight loss or fitness “influencers” that push unhealthy lifestyles, and realize that consuming nutrition in balance and moving in ways that make you feel good is the only way to complete satisfaction in your physical and mental health.
“I don’t feel comfortable being around food all day and I’m worried I won’t be able to control myself around it”.
This seems to be more common in those who frequently fall into the binge/restrict cycle. If you’re unaware, this cycle consists of the individual restricting their food intake (usually in an attempt to lose weight), feeling super hungry and unable to stop thinking about food, finally eating a huge quantity of food in one sitting because they feel starved, and then restricting again, etc. The cycle repeats.
It’s no wonder why being locked inside your house with nothing to do all day might be a tough thing for someone struggling with this disorder to deal with. However, there’s a long term solution to this issue. If you follow me on social media, you’re probably sick of hearing me say this…. but balance and moderation are absolutely key in overcoming this disorder. If you’re constantly restricting food or only allowing yourself to eat super nutritious foods, you will eventually binge on forbidden foods. On the other hand, when we allow ourselves to put all foods on the menu, and enjoy our favorite things in appropriate amounts, the urge to overeat is diminished. That’s not to say that you’ll never overeat again or feel uncomfortably full (heck, that happens to me multiple times a year at holidays, birthdays, etc.). But the idea is that you gain control around food. When we don’t put certain foods up on a pedestal, we take away their power over us. Think of yourself as a child. What happens when we tell a child it can’t have something? It’s all the child thinks about or wants. Well, in the same way, our bodies do that when we tell them certain foods are off limits.
The ability to listen to your body and eat intuitively doesn’t happen overnight. It takes lots of practice, trial and error, noticing trends and triggers, etc. What better time to put this to use than now? If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the world and everything that’s happening in it, try to reground yourself in this new way of viewing food. You’ll likely find it to be calming. Remember, it’s not easy. Perseverance is everything here, but slowly over time, it’ll click and you’ll have your life back. Need help getting started? Download my free guide here.
“It would be okay for me to relapse right now, because everyone is so preoccupied with their own circumstances”.
Reverting back to your disorder during times of uncertainty is a completely natural desire. But if this is you, I want to urge you to reconsider. Your disorder might feel like a security blanket, but in reality, it’s like an unfaithful abusive ex-boyfriend. It feels familiar, and we like that, given how unfamiliar the world feels right now. But running back to your disorder will only continue to destroy your mental health and confidence in ever recovering. You might feel like it’s a good time to take a break from recovery and indulge in restriction or other ED behaviors. And while you should give yourself grace during this chapter of like, it’s vital that you keep pushing forward. If you can recover during a time like this, you’re basically unstoppable. It’s like running with weights on, which kind of makes you a badass.
“I’m not accomplishing anything else right now (no school, no work, etc.)… maybe I’ll feel accomplished if I lose weight”.
While battling with my eating disorder, weight loss felt like an accomplishment. When I woke up and weighed myself in the morning, I assigned my worth as a human to the number that popped up on the scale. If it went down, I had succeeded. If it went up, I was a lazy human with no worth. Now obviously, since then, I’ve realized how absurd those beliefs were and have found fulfillment elsewhere. But if you’re still stuck here, I seriously recommend throwing out your scale (at least during the pandemic). Aim to decrease the number of times you look in the mirror each day. Try to view your day from a different perspective. While you may feel that you aren’t accomplishing much during these past few months, consider all the good you’re doing by staying at home. Think about all the ways in which you’re contributing to the population by doing exactly what you’re doing right now. Hitting the reset button and taking a rest from work, school, your social life, etc. is a giant accomplishment in itself. Putting your mental and emotional health first right now is a huge victory, and there’s nothing else you need to be focusing on other than that right now.
“My therapist/dietitian’s office is closed, so it’s not my responsibility to continue with recovery”.
While this may be the case for some of you, there are a lot of specialists offering virtual appointments during this time (myself included). If you’re able to, I urge you to make an appointment with your health care provider over the phone or through video chat to keep your health in check. Accountability and community are huge components of recovery. It’s tough to do this alone. Luckily, you don’t have to. If you’re struggling financially right now and don’t think you can afford help, ask your provider if they offer services on a sliding scale. This means you might be able to receive therapy at a discount or on a “pay what you can” basis.
This topic is near and dear to my heart. As a former sufferer of disordered eating and mental illness, I can’t imagine what some of you are going through right now. I just want you to know that you’re not alone. There are tons of people out there who want to help you through this. You’re not a burden. Speak up, call a friend, share your feelings with a family member. Whatever it may be, remember that your struggles, fears, and anxieties are valid… even right now.