Dealing With Extreme Hunger in Eating Disorder Recovery
If you are someone who’s never experienced any form of disordered eating, then hunger is most likely a very normal part of your day… something you don’t give a second thought to. You feel hunger pangs, so you eat food until the feeling subsides. But for those who are combatting restrictive forms of eating disorders, hunger is the enemy. Many of us have tried everything under the sun to allude it, but hunger can only be defeated with one thing: food.
To those already overwhelmed with the ambiguity of recovery and weight gain, a strong fear is not being able to stop eating once you start (“if you give a mouse a cookie” type of mentality). This is where extreme hunger comes in. And it’s the most anxiety inducing (and common) aspect of ED recovery.
During extended periods of extreme calorie restriction, we abandon our hunger cues. We ignore the empty feeling in our stomachs, pretend we don’t feel shaky from low blood sugar, and convince ourselves that we don’t need food, we just want it. However, when you begin to accept recovery as a plausible choice and give credence to your illness, you’re asked to increase caloric intake (duh). For me, it was a slow but steady increase because that’s what was recommended by my dietitian (there are certain medical implications as to why a starved person shouldn’t suddenly increase caloric intake drastically, but that’s a topic for another time). As I steadily increased my energy intake, I began feeling optimistic about actually recovering and what that might look like. I was experiencing things such as spiked energy levels, actually feeling satiated throughout the day, I was having fun with my friends again, along with so many other benefits that confirmed I was making the right choice. Things were going well and I was pretty pleased with myself.
It wasn’t until much later in my recovery (I was actually weight restored) that I started feeling like a bottomless pit. I was no longer satisfied by the same amount of food. It seemed to come on so suddenly and intensely, and it was absolutely terrifying. At meal times and all throughout the day, I just felt like I couldn’t get enough food. Even when I felt my stomach was physically full, there was something inside that told me I needed more. I was confused and scared. I had been doing everything “correctly”, I’d been hitting my calorie and macro goals (protein, fat, and carbs) each day, and had only been exercising a moderate amount. Having been weight restored, I was fearful that this new appetite would cause me to gain excess weight, which is just about the most frightening thought for someone recovering from anorexia.
I gave into my hunger a few times, ignored it a few times, and cried over it a few times. Finally, I did some research. It turns out, I wasn’t crazy. I found tons of resources regarding this topic and testimonies of those who also experienced it during recovery. What I read brought me so much comfort. Knowing that others had gone through this (and made it to the other side without becoming unhealthy) allowed me to accept what was occurring, and even kind of embrace it.
Who would’ve guessed it, years of denying my body of adequate energy resulted in it no longer trusting me. Innately, my body was worried that there would be another famine, so it began to prepare itself. You see, I was forcing it to work at a deficit for so long, and now it saw it’s chance to catch up. I craved not just a lot of food, but specifically calorie dense food (I’m talking pizza, cereal, cheese… you know… all the good stuff). Knowing this fact made me appreciate just how amazing the human body is. How incredible is it that we get to live in these intricate and instinctual structures that know exactly what we need in order to repair? All we have to do is listen.
It felt so wrong at first, icky even. But I made the decision to see it through and trust the process. I knew that continuing to restrict and ignore my hunger would only prolong the healing process and, ultimately, take me back to square one. Try to imagine it this way: there’s a restaurant that normally operates with 5 cooks at a time (as in, the normal amount of calories you require when healthy), but today the restaurant received more customers than usual (your body trying to heal and repair from years of damage), so the manager called in backup cooks to help get the customers served efficiently (extreme hunger). Had the manager been stubborn and insisted that the original 5 cooks do the entire job alone (you ignoring your hunger cues and restricting), the restaurant would lose out on good business (health benefits and healing), and would eventually fall behind (relapse into restrictive eating again).
Ultimately, my experience with extreme hunger lasted for about 6 months. It didn’t show up everyday, but when it did, I welcomed it with open arms. It’s important to keep in mind that not everyone will encounter extreme hunger and, if you do, the duration may vary (weeks, months, or longer, depending on your unique bodily need). Through it all, I realized that my body wasn’t trying to hurt or play tricks on me…. it was loving me. And now I’m loving it back by honoring my hunger, listening to cravings, allowing the occasional “treat” (I hate that word, but you know how I mean it), letting it rest, etc.
I decided to write on this specific topic because I know there are others out there, just like me, looking for answers. Those who are looking for some sort of confirmation that what you’re going through is normal. Don’t be discouraged on this journey. Trust the healing process and, most importantly, trust your body.
If you’re interested in finding food freedom and ditching diet culture forever, check out my 10-week, self-paced, online intuitive eating course by clicking here.